Protecting the Interests of the Children in a Child Custody Order

It is the responsibility of Illinois parents to protect the best interests of their children both during the divorce process and upon agreement of a child custody order. This is particularly important when parents have agreed to work on the terms of a child custody agreement without the interference of a court. Although a divorce is emotionally difficult, parents must protect the emotional and mental well-being of the children during this time of transition. Here’s a look at some important steps to take to protect your children’s well-being during this difficult time.

It’s easy to feel stressed, confused, and overwhelmed if your marriage is coming to an end. However, if there are children involved, they are suffering along with you. When you take the time to understand your children’s perspective and communicate with them in an age-appropriate way about the divorce, you’re taking a step toward growth and healing for your whole family.

Explain What’s Happening in Terms Your Child Can Understand

If parents do not shield their children from their conflicts, the psychological toll of the divorce can leave deep emotional wounds. However, shielding your children from the details of a custody dispute is not the same as attempting to hide the divorce from them or refusing to answer their questions. Divorce is a confusing time for a child, but it becomes even more so if you refuse to acknowledge that anything is amiss. These are some general tips for communicating with your children about a divorce:

  • If at all possible, talk to your children together with your spouse.
  • Make sure you stress that the divorce is not the child’s fault.
  • Don’t wait until the last minute to tell your kids about the divorce.
  • Keep it simple — you don’t need to go into details.
  • Reassure your kids that while you and your spouse will no longer be married, you’ll still be their parents.
  • Reassure your kids that you love them.
  • Invite your children to ask questions.
  • Do not talk badly about your spouse in front of your children.

Sometimes, especially if they are very young, your children might need to hear you explain the situation more than once. Be patient — divorce can be a difficult concept for children to grasp. They’ll remember the divorce for the rest of their lives, but they also will remember how you helped (or didn’t help) them through it.

Look for Signs of Distress in Your Child

There’s no way to make divorce an easy experience for your child. Children of all ages can experience lasting impacts from parental divorce and custody disputes. Maintaining open communication with your children is important, but so is looking for signs that the divorce is impacting them more than you (and maybe even they) realize:

  • Showing new or worsening behavioral issues
  • Having problems with schoolwork
  • Being aggressive or uncooperative
  • Displaying low self-esteem
  • Becoming withdrawn
  • Experiencing deep sadness or grief.

It’s always important to reassure your children and make sure they know they are loved. However, if your child is very distressed about the divorce, it might be helpful for them to speak to a counselor.

Minimize Conflict

Divorce is always stressful for children, but some divorces are more stressful than others. As you might imagine, divorces with more conflict between parents cause significantly more stress for children. One of the best ways to minimize conflict in your divorce is to choose alternatives to litigation. When divorces — and especially child custody disputes — must be decided in court, the process is longer and more stressful for your kids (and for you).

One of the most effective ways to minimize conflict in your divorce is to choose collaborative divorce or mediation instead of litigation. Collaborative divorce is ideal if you have a good relationship with your spouse. With this process, you, your spouse, and your attorneys work together to negotiate the division of your assets, custody of your children, and other aspects of the divorce.

Mediation is slightly more formal, and it can still work even if there is some tension between you and your spouse. With this process, a neutral third party helps guide you and your spouse toward decisions. While they facilitate discussion and can help you keep negotiations on track, a mediator will not push you toward a specific resolution.

If you aren’t sure if mediation, collaborative divorce, litigation, or another strategy is right for you, our team may be able to help. Call Wolfe & Stec at 630-305-0222 today.

Other Tips for Protecting Your Children Through Divorce

There Are Many Ways to Look Out for Your Child

Divorce is a process that demands a lot of you, but you should never lose sight of the fact that your children deserve your attention, respect, and understanding. These are some other ways to support your children during a child custody dispute:

Maintain a Routine

Divorce is a time of upheaval, so if you can keep other aspects of your kids’ lives steady, you should. Sticking to a routine can help your kids feel centered, even when other parts of their lives feel uncertain.

Avoid Moving Your Kids

If at all possible, let your children continue to live in the same home during divorce and custody proceedings. Much like maintaining a routine, staying in the same home can help your kids feel secure.

Keep Communication Open

Some parents make the mistake of talking to their kids about divorce once — and then not revisiting the topic again. However, because divorce is an uncertain process, kids need reassurance through it. Continue to check in with your kids and let them know you are here for them — and then take the time to truly listen to what they say.

Need Help Navigating a Divorce?

The Right Family Lawyer Can Help

Divorce is a balancing act, and a difficult one at that. You must be able to balance your own emotions, your parental rights, the parental rights of your spouse, and your children’s well-being. That can be immensely challenging when your life is in the midst of upheaval. However, when you have a family law attorney to guide you through the process, you’ll be able to work through the stresses of your divorce while minimizing its impact on your children.

You don’t have to go through a divorce, navigate a custody dispute, or create a post-divorce parenting plan alone. Call Wolfe & Stec at 630-305-0222 for a free consultation.

Attorney Natalie Stec

Natalie M. Stec, born and raised in Illinois, and earned her Bachelor of Science from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Her practice has been concentrated in significant pre and post decree marital and family law cases; including custody, visitation, support, and paternity matters. She has important criminal defense experience in both misdemeanor and felony cases. She is a very dedicated and passionate litigator. [ Attorney Bio ]